I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
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you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i out mim tonsoeep
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