but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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