I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
