she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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