You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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