They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
