Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Acid is not a monday night drug
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
