someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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