Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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