there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
