If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
