please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
