Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
