At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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