I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
two words: eviction party
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
