Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
handjob tips. give me some.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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