my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
