all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
