i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
