I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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