the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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