you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
