Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
