Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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