So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we have pet lesbian snakes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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