we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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