cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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