girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
