she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
