Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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