the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
