I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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