I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
