Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize