I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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