I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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