I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
