His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I will be naked everywhere
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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