if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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