We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
