i may or may not be watching the land before time
this boner is exhausting
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
