happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
