ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
