happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Randomize
