Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
