You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
