Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
