her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
