I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
