are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
