Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
