Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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