A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
