Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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