Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
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all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
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You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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