i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
