Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
