it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
