tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In America we eat man semen.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
