WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
