Well apparently he's into motor boating.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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