He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
