When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
