I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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