hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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