as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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