A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He passed out mid-signature
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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