just tell him i said nine months
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
