tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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