Got a toothbrush?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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