You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
