Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
