I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
