The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
