Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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