just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
